I Wish ...

Today is one of those days where I’ve been wondering, what’s wrong with me and why am I even here? Besides the fact that there is a majority of people who ponder their existence, I don’t seem to understand what made me special enough when I was six to make it through cancer. Then after making it through that, which was hard enough, I’ve had to get through my parent’s divorce, foot surgery on both feet, appendix removal, gallbladder removal, sinus surgery, and of course the ever popular wisdom teeth removal. Look I’m not saying I’m anything special and I learned quite a lot going through all of this, but I would like for my mom to get a break. I can deal with all this medical crap, partially because I have my whole life, but I would really like for her to get a break. She has gone through so much in her life and she’s still going through it. She deserves so much more, like a man that loves her and treats her well, a job that doesn’t kick her ass so hard she’s like a zombie when she gets home, and just to be happy. What is so wrong with me that I put my mother through medical trials since I was born and why didn’t I just kick the bucket when I had cancer? I’m not saying I want to die; I just want things to be easier for her. Why did she get stuck with me? What did she do to deserve this? I love her to much to watch her have to go through all of this pain, stress and heart ache. She’s the most amazing person I know and I wish she could see that. I wish she could be happy all the time and dance around the house with us again like a complete idiot. Those were some of the best times I’ve had with her. She deserves a break, so when the heck is it coming to her?