At what point is crazy, crazy? Is it at that point where you've gone completely delirious or is it that point where you are so lost that sometimes it is hard to see the first through the trees. Is it that point where you're in pain constantly for over six months and one something seems to get better, something goes wrong? When do you know? How do you know? Is it your doctor telling you that you need to see someone because they think you need tools that they don't believe you have? Is it when you have your first mental break down in months? How do you know? What do you do when you think you know?
It is sad to admit that my doctor has told me that I should go talk to someone for my mental well being. Of course it can't be the person I saw forever after my parents left, it has to be someone new that specializes in pain depression. I don't believe I am depressed, but does that mean I am? My mother doesn't believe I am either. It's interesting when I look over
everything and how it seems that some of my doctors think I am incompetent. I have been though so many different medical issues and I made it through all of those without anything to damaging, so why would this time be so different? I guess it's because its been going on for so long without any break from pain and how my days seem to be blending together. I still get through school though, and I've made it through months of this. I don't understand why everything is so different now. It's hard when you're tired, stressed, in pain, and very medicated. I have a wonderful family to back me up though, and an amazing boyfriend who somehow manages to hang through all of this with me. I guess that means he really does love me more than anything in the world. I guess I really do believe what my tattoo says, "Life is difficult, but it is justified."
I miss the world outside. No matter what some people think, it is not fun to sit around the house all day watching TV and being on the internet. I have watched and memorized so many television shows that I have reverted to Boomerang for most of my viewing pleasures now a days. I also watch quite a lot of nick@nite. I actually enjoy watching shows like George Lopez and The Nanny. Though they can be rather silly, they make me laugh in that silly little kid way just like Boomerang does.I can't wait to rejoin the outside world and the fresh air, even that cold or hot air that takes your breath away. I'm coming world! I might be a little slow, but I'm coming back.
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