The wonderful world of relationships and the super fun arguments that come with them. Sometimes I feel like a crazy person when the two of us get into certain conversations. I will be completely rational and sane one moment and then the next I'm taking some of the things he says completely out of context. The worst part of it is that in my brain I'm yelling at myself to stop, but it's like I have no control over what is going on. The words just seem to flow like vomit, except unlike some vomit you can't slow words back down. Gross analogy, I know but I bet you know exactly what I'm talking about though. It is even worse when you're starving and then everything just seems worse then it actually is, just like when you're on your period. Everything just seems to be completely blown out of proportion to the point where your brain doesn't calm down until you try and go to sleep that night. Sometimes being a girl really sucks.
Another thing that seems to be an issue when being a girl is crying. Sometimes you just can't control it. One moment you'll be completely fine and then someone turns the water on. This happened last night. During my horrible crying I also became extremely irrational and decided that my doctors would be able to figure out what was wrong with me if I made it worse. That was one of my worst ideas I have had in a long time. Then after putting myself in significantly more pain, I continued to wail for another 30 minutes before I fell asleep crying in his arms. I never thought I would be that girl that cried and beat on her boyfriends chest until her knees collapsed, but last night I was. I wonder if every girl goes through that at one point in their life. That point of totally mental exhaustion and delirium that they just fall apart. It happens in the movies, so obviously it must be true.
Then after all of this happens, there is the sometimes extremely painful, "I'm sorry" that must follow. Don't get me wrong, I always want to apologize because I feel so extremely bad for what I did. See the thing is, I'm not actually joking about this. However, it always seems like I botch the apologize. I don't mean to, it just sort of happens sometimes. I'll be talking to him and apologizing when the original incident gets brought up and sometimes the fight just seems to restart. Which is extremely frustrating because all you wanted to do what apologize and tell them how much you love the. Sometimes though, that never seems to work no matter what I try. I love my boyfriend more than anything in the world. I know that sounds young and juvenile, but it's true. I hate fighting with me because then I can't run to him all excited when something happens, or call him because I had a bad day. Though I have to say, calling him to meet you at the Hospital always seems to stop a fight and starts new ones sometimes.
He wants to read what I write about on here, but I'm embarrassed by it. That was one of our most recent little spats.I really am embarrassed though, that he will find what I write about to be stupid. I write to a pretend audience to help and make me feel better. I don't worry about publishing it where no one I know has one because I've noticed that most people don't care about other bloggers enough to read their stuff. Should I let him read it? How would I even go about telling him that I'm not ok with him reading it. I don't want him to take the stuff I write as anything bad or even extremely weird. If anyone actually reads this, then they know how scattered it is and how some entries fit and others jump up and down in their Vegas girl headdresses. That's me though. We've been dating for over 2 years now, so I would think that none of this would phase him. Well wish me luck. I'm sending him my link tonight.
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