A Time For Change

I have decided that I need some sort of change in my life. Not something like leaving my boyfriend or changing my identity. Well, I guess in a way it is sort of changing my identity. It won’t change who I am, it will enhance me.
This really started when I was ten years old. I don’t exactly remember how it happened, but I became drawn to Wicca. I don’t mean witchcraft or worshiping the devil. I am talking about enhancing my spiritual connection with earth and nature. Since I was ten years old, it was very hard for me to get any of the materials. I pushed off the thought of practicing Wicca. When I was thirteen, after my father had left, I became drawn to it again. I even bought a book for teenagers that taught witchcraft. Now when looking at that book, I realized that it wasn’t witchcraft that I wanted to learn, it was Wicca. Well, at thirteen a pushed it off again because of everything else that was going on in my life at the time. Everything was so complicated and confusing. Again at fifteen I was drawn to it all over again. When I talked to my friends, they laughed and gave me a hard time about it. I pushed it off again. Now, I’ve been drawn back to it. This time the feeling is a lot stronger than it had been in the past.
Besides the fact that I don’t even know where to start, I don’t want to be a good practitioner. I would rather be a solo one. That way I can work on my connection to the earth. I’m rather confused, but this seems very right. If anyone has any advice, I would appreciate it. I keep being drawn back to Wicca and because it is so much stronger now, I think it is something I need to do.