Tired to the Core

I'm quite tired, like through my toes tired. Between medicine and getting back into swimming I'm pretty exhausted. I'm lasting longer every time I swim so far. The first time I swam in years, I swam 1600 yards and today I swam 2000 yards. I'm very excited about that, but now I'm so tired that I'm falling out on the couch. Who knows, Tyler might have to carry me up the stairs to night. It's a fantastic feeling though. That feeling that you worked your body so hard that you're exhausted. I miss that feeling even though I used to hate it. It got me into the weirdest situations at sleepover's and stuff growing up. Mostly after meets. I like feeling like I'm doing something. Yeah it costs me money, but it's worth it. I might have to cut down on a lot to keep up with my new habit, but I'll take it. :)

A Bad Day

I hate those days when you get no sleep and your periods trying to come. You just feel like crap and it puts you in a weird mood. That kind where everything sucks, nothing is exciting and nothing sounds good to eat. Then sometimes you get those crazy highs where every thing's great and you feel great!Then you crash ... That's where I am now. Bleh.

We're Not So Different

This is another short story I wrote. I'm not really sure how I feel about it and everyone I've read it to has fallen asleep on me. Please don't let that discourage you. I couldn really use some suggestions. :)

The room was dark, filled with the night air. Small desk lamps light up parts the newspaper office. It smelt like old paper, ink and stress. The stress radiated from all parts of the room, like there was a presence stuck there pacing. A young man in his 20’s sat at one of the desks, the lamp next to him making the paper he was writing on blindingly white. His brow was furrowed in concentration and anxiety. His fear dripped from his pores with his sweat. His breathing was ragged and his heart was racing like he had just run a marathon.

“Why’re you so nervous?”

“Oh my god!” he cried throwing his paper and pen into the air, “Are you crazy?! Don’t do that!”

“I’m sorry,” I breathed, “I didn’t mean to startle you. I’m so used to people hearing me coming.”

“People? Are you sure that’s the right word?” he sneered.

“That’s pretty cocky coming from a guy who could die so easily,” I snapped.

“True,” he whispered while leaning over to get his paper and pen. When he sat back up to look at me, I knew I had really been rather rude.

“I am sorry. I really didn’t mean to scare you.”

“Don’t worry about it,” he said while digging through his desk.

“So how did you get nominated to stay late and deal with the vampire? You are rather young.”

“I’m new, so I’m not considered an asset.”

“Well if it makes you feel any better,” I said easing into the chair in front of his desk slowly, “I’m not going to kill you. Not only do I not drink human blood, but it would be stupid for me to do so. Everyone here knows I was coming to see you and well, they would be pegged for assisting a murder.”

“In a way,” he said pausing to think for a moment, “That really doesn’t help or make it worse. It’s kind of a neutral.”

“Ah,” I breathed out.

His cologne smelt good. I hadn’t been around a man that smelt like that before. He was different, he wasn’t telling me something.

“What are you,” I said pursing my lips.

“What?”

“What are you,” I repeated again.

“How,” he breathed, confusion taking over his face.

“I can smell it,” I sighed, “I’m not trying to make you uncomfortable. Sometimes my mouth has a mind of its own.”

“Oh,” he trailed off.

“Are you going to tell me?”

“Not until I get my story,” he smirked.

“Hmm, confident and resourceful. I respect that,” I said smiling.

He grabbed a tape recorder that had been sitting next to his monitor. He opened it sliding a new tape into it and then turned it on before looking at me.

“Well,” he said.

“What do you want to know?”

“Why don’t you just start where you think you should and I’ll ask questions where I need to,” he said sternly.

“Alright,” I sighed, “But if you want to know about my life, it’s not exactly happy.”

“That’s alright.”

I nodded. I didn’t really know where to start. How could you explain so much to someone in such a small amount of time? What was important? I guess I should just let my mouth start and I’ll go from there. I took a deep breath and opened my mouth, the next thing I knew words were coming out.

“I never understood why people are so fascinated with vampires. It’s not like we are anything special. All we are is a little different. Does it really matter that we prefer the darkness of night to the warm light of day? So, we prefer blood or raw meat to what people consider to be normal food. To us blood and raw meat is like eating the most decadent food. The type of food that you can feel throughout your entire body it’s so tantalizing and succulent. We can still drink liquids like any other being. Most of them don’t taste very well, besides blood of course. It has something to do with the chemical makeup of the body after the disease has finished its course. We’re just like humans how they become ill. It’s sort of like getting the common cold. Afterwards, your body is immune to that particular strand of it. However, for us it is a little different. We are no longer able to become ill or be killed as easily. There are quite a lot of people who get cutaneous porphyrias vampyra. Not many people survive it though. There are many mysterious deaths in hospitals that are never figured out. The autopsy reports are usually thrown into a filing cabinet until they are moved to a permanent warehouse. No one really goes back for them or looks at them. They’re just considered a medical mystery. Some of them have been studied in medical schools and of course many theories have been made. No one has figured us out yet, at least no human has.

I’ve always wondered where some of these theories about us came from. Some of them are pretty easy to understand, but some of them are just ridicules. Many of the theories that are made have us wrong. We aren’t dangerous creatures of the night. The reason we like the night is because of our neurotransmitters. Everything is too bright for us. It’s sort of like nystagmus. Are eyes pull in too much light and we do sort of have rapid eye movement. It explains our reflexes in a way. Since our eyes move so quickly, we take in quite a lot of our surroundings and that makes it so we can react faster. We see things most people don’t. As for our pale skin and burning up in the sun, it’s because of the disease. It changes the pigment of our skin, it sort of bleaches it. That is why when we go into the sun we burn so easily. The pain is explained by the reminiscing nerve disorder, complex regional pain syndrome (CRPS), we end up with. No one ever understood how we got it because it is only supposed to show during trauma. The best we could come up with is that our body was so traumatized by the disease that we ended up with it. CRPS can be extremely painful. Our pain tolerance is high because of the disease, but when the light touches us it becomes extremely unbearable. Mostly we die of pain if we’re in the sun to long and our bodies end up charged because of our pigment changed. We burn very easily, much like an albino. As for being killed with a stake, yes it is true that we are able to be killed that way. Then again, what human wouldn’t die from being stabbed in the heart with a stake? One of the theories I find interesting is the pain that silver inflicts. It does hurt quite a lot and our skin can bleed from it. The best our medical professionals can come up with is that for some reason the disease made us develop a silver allergy. It explains all the issues we have with it, it is just severe. The absolutely most mysterious thing about us is how quickly we heal. No has been able to figure it out yet. There have even been blood tests to understand us more and the only thing that was really apparent is the lack of oxygen. That is still the most mysterious.

We all have different forms of depression. That’s why we come across so brooding. We were all rejected at some point in our lives because of how we changed. We were different, strange and believed to be very dangerous. There were quite a lot of people who wouldn’t even try to get to know us. We were considered to be contagious freaks that should not be alive. Contagious, I hate that word. People associate contagious with air born diseases. It’s more like aids. We can bite people and transfer their blood to our bodies, but the only way for them to contract it is if they drink our blood. It makes them suffer through it and become immune if they can live through it. It’s more painful than anyone can possibly imagine. In some cases doctors have been able to put people in a chemical induced coma. That way they wouldn’t have to suffer as much. I wasn’t one of the lucky ones, like most of us. I am glad I didn’t though, because the ones that do tend to be unable to handle as much pain, which kills most of them. If I had been that way, I would be dead by now.”

He didn’t move a first. He just stared at me in an almost confused way. He finally shifted, taking in a deep breath.

“So,” he paused, “Vampirism is a disease like getting sick.”

“No, it is the aftermath of a disease. It is what your immune system becomes after being affected by it. Sort of like zombies.”

“Wait, don’t tell me zombies don’t exist,” he groaned.

“I could tell you they don’t, but that would be a lie. They are just as real as me. All mythical creatures are.”

“Are you telling me that mummies, werewolves, mermaids, angels, and even Greek mythology is real?!”

Everything about him screamed for it not to be true. It was like I had just shattered his entire perception of the world. I had just changed everything. It was one thing to hear about people saying they were vampires, but it was a whole other thing to meet a real one who tells you all those fantasies were real. I didn’t want to be the person to do that, but it looked like it was to late.

“Yes.”

“Witches and wizards?”

“Yes.”

“Unicorns and griffins too?”

“Yes.”

“Shit! How can all of this stuff exist without anyone knowing about it!” he growled.

“We work very hard to keep everything secret. We don’t want any extra attention drawn to us. We already have enough issues,” I said trailing off.

He sighed and his face turned to one of sorrow.

“Look, I didn’t mean.”

“It’s alright,” I said cutting him off, “Trust me. It’s not a big deal.”

“What about the myth about fangs,” he blurted.

“What about it?”

“Is it true? How do they come out? Does medicine explain that?”

“Ah. The infamous fangs. Yes, they are real. However, it’s not exactly how people think. They are an extension of the canine. The disease causes the gums to recede right above them making them appear longer. Though, they do grow during it as well. There is calcification in the jaw that pushes the tooth down to make room. It’s sort of confusing.”

“Can I see yours?”

“What?” I snapped completely taken back. No one had ever asked me that before.

“Can I see them,” he stated.

“I guess,” I breathed.

I leaned forwards into the light of his desk lamp. It was strange, how was I supposed to show him. Just open my mouth? Should I smile? I decided on smiling. Well I did so, I heard his sharp intake of breath. At the point I felt like I shouldn’t have. It was a bad idea. I quickly retreated back to the dark, to safety.

“Wow,” he breathed, “They’re beautiful. They’re not scary at all like I thought they would.”

“Is that bad?”

“No,” he laughed, “That’s good.”

He studied me for a minute, though I knew he couldn’t see me very well. When he moved it made me jump. I didn’t like this. I didn’t want to be here anymore. I shouldn’t have shown him my fangs. That had been a horrible idea.

“Can I see you again? You don’t have to show me your fangs again. I just want to see you better.”

“I don’t think that’s such a good idea,” I said fidgeting in my chair.

“You know,” he laughed,”For someone who is supposed to be fearless and no longer human. You have quite a lot of human qualities. You even have the mannerisms and the awkwardness. How old are you?”

“Didn’t anyone teach you never to ask a woman how old she was?” I hissed.

“Yeah I did, but I figured you would have prepared yourself for that question already. I would think it’s pretty normal and valid,” he smirked.

He was getting cocky again. Why did he feel he could be so cocky?

“Like I’ve been trying to tell you I am not much different from a normal human. I don’t see why you don’t seem to get that. In regards to your question I am 104 years old. We don’t age like humans do because of the amount of oxygen in our blood. At least that is what we believe anyways,” I sneered.

It wasn’t like I was some animal. I have feelings just like any human.

“I didn’t mean anything by it,” he sighed.

“Whatever,” I said frowning.

“Would you feel better if I told you what I was?” he said leaning smugly onto his desk.

He was staring me right in the eye, but I didn’t understand how he could. It was rather dark in here.

“Maybe.”

“I’m telekinetic,” he stated without skipping a beat, “I can move things with my mind.”

“Prove it,” I snapped.

The expression that appeared on his face was rather comical. He wasn’t surprised or confused. It was an expression I didn’t recognize. I didn’t like that. He then looked very intently at the lamp sitting on his desk. Not long after he started it slowly began to rise off the table as if on strings. He moved it quickly all of a sudden, right toward my face bathing it in light. I winced as the light pierced my eyes. I hadn’t been expecting that, I figured he had been lying.

“You know, you’re very beautiful. Even when you wince in pain,” he laughed.

“You sir, are an ass hole,” I stated mater of factly.

Who in their right mind would thrust a bright light into a vampires face? That was just idiotic and well, rude.

“So, did the disease give you your dark hair and green eyes, or was that genetic?”

“Genetic. Can you please get that stupid thing out of my face!”

“Sure,” he said moving the lamp from its suspended place in the air back to its place on the desk, “You’re not surprised?”

“Not really.”

“You’ve met someone like me before?” he asked, the expression on his face almost looked excited.

“Not exactly. I’ve run into a mind reader before, so it’s doesn’t really surprise me. It explains some stuff though.”

“Like what?”

“You might want to rerecord over that last bit or don’t let people listen to it.”

“Why’s that?” he asked.

“Because then people will know what you are and nothing will ever be normal for you ever again,” I sighed.

“I’m guessing you have personally experienced that?”

“Yes.”

“Want to elaborate?”

“No.”

“Right,” he said.

“Do you have any other questions for me?”

“I don’t think so, there might be more I think of later though. I would like to hear your story sometime.”

“I don’t tell anyone my story,” I stated.

“There’s always a first you know.”

“Not when it comes to that.”

He yawned them. It was wide and long, nothing like those fake yawns people do. It was a real one. He was tired, though I couldn’t blame him. It was 2:00 am. It was probably way past his bed time.

“You should go home. Sleep. You’re tired.”

“Ha,” he laughed, “You’re worried about me being tired. Interesting.”

“I am just looking out for your well being, if you prefer to sit here and bicker so be it,” I said frowning.

He smiled at me, “I’ll be fine, but speaking of sleep. Do you sleep? Like in coffins and stuff?”

“No,” I sighed, “I actually own a bed. I do tend to sleep during the day, but that is because I stay up all night. It’s less painful being out at night then during the day.”

“What kind of bed?”

“How is that relevant?”

“I’m the interviewer, so answer my question.”

“Fine,” I growled, “it’s a temper pedic. I liked the commercial and wanted one. Happy now?”

“Yes, very.”

“You’re insufferable.”

“I might be, but I’m growing on you,” he smirked.

“If anything you are becoming more and more annoying.”

“You’re only saying that because you enjoy my company,” he laughed.

“The interview is over,” I stated rising from my chair.

“Come on, don’t be like that. I was just teasing you.”

“If you think of anything, call. You have my number.”

“Are you asking me to call,” he smirked.

“Good bye!” I snapped walking for the door.

That man was insufferable. How could he think that I enjoyed his presence? If anything he was a pain in the ass. I was only doing this because I had been asked to. I will not stand to be with him one more moment. I had fulfilled more than my talking quota for the night. When I walked out the door and started down the stairs, I heard him yell after me.

“Ok, I’ll call you then! We can get together and maybe we can fang!” he yelled.

That made me laugh. I couldn’t help it. It was the cheesiest thing I had ever heard. How could someone so annoying make me laugh? As I walked down the four flights of stairs to the ground floor, I couldn’t help but wonder when he would call and if he would make me laugh again. I wanted him to make me laugh again.

Dreams

I like dreams. For more than one reason. They are a way that my imagination comes to life. Even the one’s I don’t like I think about for hours trying to figure out what exactly is going on. No matter how many times I’ve looked at dream books to decipher them, my gut tells me they aren’t always right. Sometimes I think my dreams are telling me acting what I am seeing. Almost as if they are for seeing something. It is not like that hasn’t happened before. Most of them time those dreams are just strange to me because they aren’t strange. If something surreal isn’t happening in my dreams, I feel like there is something wrong with them. The example of the for seeing would be a few years before the movie Signs came out. I dreamed about the part where they see the alien’s reflection in the TV and it is holding the little boy. I woke up crhying that night and wasn’t able to go back to sleep. Then a few years later, after the dream, I was in the movies watching the movie with my family. When that scene came on I freaked out and almost screamed. I had to burry my face in my hands as I cried. I still can’t watch that movie because of that dream.
I have a tendency to remember at least one dream a night. Sometimes I remember multiple, even when I’m heavily medicated. Last night IK had two dreams that in a way blended together. I don’t even think they were supposed to because I didn’t even seem to remember it in my second one. The first one was in a strange house that was trying to attack and kill my father and I. IK had gone in to save someone, but I’m not sure who. I don’t remember a whole lot about it, but I do remember when we were out of the house on the porch which was suspended over water. The water just touched the bottom step. Something grabbed my leg and started pulling me in and Tyler grabbed onto me to save me. No matter how hard he pulled he wasn’t strong enough. I thought I was going to die. Then my mom grabbed onto him and started pulling as well, until finally I was pulled free. I flew over their heads and slammed into a very think pillar. When I hit the ground I hurt all over and it turned into an outer body experience. I was looking at myself, seeing the blood creeping out my eyes, nose and mouth. I coughed as they told me how sorry they were. I said it was ok and then I said my heart hurt so much. I kept repeating it until everything went black
The dream then turned to me getting off of another porch type thing when I looked at my left hand and started freaking out. I couldn’t find my wedding rings, they had fallen off my hands even though they had just been there. My cousin Joe handed them to me and laughed saying they had just fallen off. I explained that they had to be resized and he said that was alright considering I had just gotten married. I then started walking around this strange shopping type place that was like an outdoor outlet. I was looking at all the restraints and browsing their menus. Apparently I had been put on a mission to find a good place for my mom, sister and I to eat dinner while everyone else partied at the house. We just didn’t want to be there for some reason, but she was waiting for my sister before she caught up. I ran into girls from girl scouts that I had never really gotten along with. I was nice though and told them about the restraints before I went on my way. When I circled back around I saw my mom and sister waiting for me, when I all of a sudden noticed a restaurant in the middle that I hadn’t noticed before. We ended up going there to eat, but my dream skipped over that part. It then started back when we were walking into the house when I went looking for Tyler, who I was married to. I was panicing because I couldn’t find him. The place was built in a wheel and spokes design with tons of rooms and a hall the circled the whole place. I found him in one of the rooms and I asked him where the baby was. He was like, what baby? I started freaking out that he didn’t know where our daughter was and all he had to do was keep her hear by. She was still little enough that she was in a carrier and would sleep. I found her hanging in a closet in her baby carrier. Not like she was dead, the handle was what was hooked. I had to get past all these weird creatures to get her. I did not like the end of that dream, but the beginning was amazing. I was so happy and content. Everything felt perfect.
I’m not sure what that dream was telling me. Well, either of them for that matter. When I told my mom about it she just kind of “hmm”’d me. Who knows. Just think, all of that happened during a nap. You can only imagine how long the ones I have at night are.

End of Day One

This officially marks the end of the first day of my new diet. It isn’t a crash diet or one of those counting kind. In fact, all it is is a dietary supplement. So far it has done exactly what it said. Well, as much as can be proven in one day. It has managed to curve my appetite. I’m not as hungry and I don’t feel the need to eat all the time. It’s actually pretty interesting. My starting weight is a whole whopping 204 pounds. I am not proud of the fact that I am now in the 200s.I actually cried the day I found that out. This is the beginning of my attempt to rectify that. I will do a way in once a week. As of now, it looks like I will be doing it on Saturdays in the morning. I will be keeping track and will be writing about it. That includes any major changes that happen as well. Wish me luck! I know I can get back to my old weight if not a better one. :)

It Isn't Everything

It’s weird how much my life has changed. I guess I never realized how much one little incident can change your life forever. I mean I have had big things happen before, but not like this. I must have taken it for granted. How did I not realize how important it really was? At least I had family, friends, and a wonderful boyfriend to help me. If I didn’t, I don’t know what I would do. Did the door bell just ring? It did. He’s here; I can’t believe he’s already here. What time is it? I’m not ready! Where is that stupid clock?

I placed my hand next to me, the comforter felt cool in my hands. It was softer then I remembered. The cotton was so smooth as I slid my hand carefully over it until I could feel my squishy pillow. Slowly, my hand traced the pillow as it moved to the left. When the bed disappeared under my hand, I knew I was close. Hesitantly I kept moving my hand to the left until it hit the bedside table. It still scared me, no matter how many times my hand carefully touched it. I knew it was there, but it always caught me off guard. Once my hand was on the flat glass surface on the top of it, I slid my hand along until I found the clock. The big button, it’s the big button. Where is it? Small button, small button, switch, medium button, none of these were it. Did I miss it? Carefully backtracking over the buttons I began to count. One, two, three, down, four, big button, there it was.

“The time is, six twenty pm.”

He’s early; I knew he had to be early. I don’t even know how I look, or where my shoes are. Where are my shoes!! Closet, get to the closet. It’s frustrating how little things have become so difficult, things I took for granted for years. Things like being able to cook on my own, pick out shoes, and even walk by myself. I know some things will come with time, but other things make me worry. What if I can’t ever do them ever again?

The sound of him knocking lightly on the door scared me out of my thoughts. It scared me every time he did that. I guess I should have been used to it by now, but I still haven’t. Is that weird? Does that mean something’s wrong with me? I hate this, I hate this so much. Uhg, but there’s nothing I can do about it now. I should just get used to it and try and deal with it. Grow with the new me. I can do this, I know I can. I have to.

“Are you ready?”

“I can’t find my shoes,” I whispered.

“That’s okay, let me help you.”

“I don’t want you to have to help me. I want to be able to do it on my own.”

I hate relying on people. I was so used to being able to do things on my own. It’s so hard to transition from that. Right now I can barely get to the bathroom on my own, let alone leave my house. I know everything will come with time, but it’s just so frustrating.

“I know, but it has only been a week. You can’t expect to be perfect at everything yet. I mean, you’ve lived here for a few years now and you haven’t gotten used to where things are yet.”

“Great, so you think I’m taking too long to figure things out.”

I can’t believe this, I’m taking too long? It’s only been a week! People can’t expect me to be perfect yet.

“That is not what I meant and you know it,” he sighed.

“I know. I’m sorry. I’m just frustrated. I don’t know if I can do this.”

“Of course you can, you are a strong amazing woman. You can do anything you put your mind to.”

I heard him move closer to me. His shoes on the carpet had a distinct sound. Everyone I knew sounded different. He had a lighter step then most people, probably from his years of martial arts training. He used to enjoy it and I still think he does, but he doesn’t want to get back into it. I never understood why.

“Did you find my shoes?” I sighed.

I knew he wouldn’t let me try and feel my way around until I found had them. He would sit me back down and grab them himself. Sometimes I wish he would let me try when he’s around, that way I can get over this and keep moving. The good thing about being able to see before the accident is that I can picture rooms in my head. Sometimes it helps, but then there are other times where it just makes it so much worse. It just reminds me that everything’s different now.

“I’ve got them right here,” he said. I could hear the smile in his voice. He almost sounded triumphant.

When he touched my leg I let out a little yelp. After that, I was just embarrassed. It wasn’t like it hurt and I should have expected it, but I didn’t. What is wrong with me? Why can’t I get this right?

“Stop worrying. You are doing magnificent for someone who just lost their sight. Even the doctor said so. Why do you think they let you leave so early?”

“I know,” I whispered, “But it doesn’t change how I feel. How discombobulated I am.”

He had already gotten one shoe on and was trying to button it. They were my favorite pair of shoes. They were black with big black buttons on the side that held the strap down. I could feel him fumbling and his body slowly becoming ridged as he became more and more frustrated. When I reached for my foot, it just reminded me how everything was different now. I couldn’t even reach for my foot without having to feel around for it. I missed it by going too far or not far enough.

“Here, let me help,” I whispered.

“No, I’ve got it,” he growled.

“Uhhg. Just let me do it. I can do at least this.”

He stopped moving then. All I could here was his breathing. When I finally got my hands on the strap and button, he moved his. He let me do it and then slid then other shoe on my foot. I reached again, but for the other foot this time and carefully button the shoe like I had hundreds of times.

“You think I’m incompetent don’t you,” he breathed.

“What? Are you kidding me? I would never think that, especially now!”

I knew he was tense. The air in the whole room had shifted. It was like breathing in smoke. It was heavy, thick and really wasn’t working well.

“Come on, let’s go. I’m starving and could use a night out,” I said smiling.

“Are you sure? We can just stay here again.”

“Of course I’m sure. You think I would have gone through all this trouble getting ready if I wasn’t going out?”

He laughed. His amazing laugh that always made me feel better. It was comforting no matter how horrible I felt.

“Come on,” he said. I could tell he was smiling now. I could see it in my head, that lopsided smile of his.

He carefully slid his hand into mine and helped me stand up. Standing was still a little difficult sometimes. It was like my whole world shifted. I had to get better at keeping it steady or I might fall on my face more often than I used to. He led me very carefully through the house, making sure to warn me when object I could bump into or trip over were near. The steps were the problem. Why I had thought it was a good idea to have a five floor walk up, I’d never know. I guess when I could see it wasn’t a big deal. Maybe it was time to find a new place. I don’t know if I could handle that right now though.

“You ok?” his voice broke through my thoughts and scared me.

“Oh my god! Don’t do that!” I yelped.

“Do what? Ask you a question? You look really worried.”

It really shouldn’t have surprised me. He always asked if I was okay. Especially now. I couldn’t blame him, though it did get quite annoying when everyone is always asking if I was okay.

“I’m sorry, I was just thinking. About the stairs,” I sighed.

“What about them? Do you want me to carry you? I can carry you.”

The urgency and worry in his voice made me laugh.

“No, you don’t have to carry me. I was just thinking about if I should move or not. You know, because of how many stairs there are. If it was only a floor or two it probably wouldn’t be that bad. It’s just, you know.”

I could feel my voice drift off. If I conquered these stairs, I would feel fantastic. Just because I was blind didn’t mean I couldn’t do this. No matter how people made me feel, I can do whatever I want. After declaring that, it was like a wave of relief washed of me. I wasn’t sure how long it would last, but it felt fantastic. It was the most amazing I had felt for days. When I grabbed the railing I felt stable as I took my first step. It felt like the floor had dropped out from under me until both my feet were planted firmly on the next step.

“Wow, you did it. You took a step on your own,” the excitement in his voice made me feel even better.

I could do this. I stepped again and again very slowly. Each step got easier. I didn’t feel like I would fall the farther I went on my own. I knew that if I did trip though I would be ok. He wouldn’t let me fall. I knew I was getting close to the bottom before I took another step. I fell for the first time. I thought I was going to be sick until I felt his arms wrap around me. He stabled me, but my head was still spinning.

“If you wanted to keep taking stairs all you had to do was ask,” he laughed.

“What? What do you mean?”

I was so confused and my brain didn’t want to work right. It hadn’t stabilized quite yet.

“We’re on the ground floor. You already took the last step.”

I knew he was smirking at me. I could feel it and see it in my mind.

“What? I did? What didn’t you tell me you jerk!”

He laughed really hard this time, “I thought you knew, you were doing so well.”

“Well obviously I didn’t,” I grumbled.

“You’re missing what’s important here.”

“What do you mean,” I asked.

“You just walked down five flights of stairs on your own. I didn’t help at all.”

“I did?” my mind went back over everything I had just done, every stair.

“I did!” I cried, “I did it!”

“Yeah you did,” he laughed, “I’m so proud of you. Let’s go celebrate.”

I was so excited; I didn’t even notice that he had gotten me out the front door until I smelled the outside. It was the most amazing this I had smelt in my entire life. The smell of the water mixed with flowers, food, and the night air. It was absolutely sinful. I could see the world in a whole new way and it was amazing. At that point I knew, I knew everything would be okay.

Doctors Vs Doctors

My doctors are notorious for disagreeing with each other. One will suggest something and the other will do it differently. It seems to be a never ending cycle of silliness. The interesting thing though, is that this most recent time was because the doctor doing my sonogram wanted to dip set. Which lead to him not doing what my foot doctor wanted. Now, I have to go back for another one. At least they’re interesting to watch. I learned how to read them a little bit. It’s not to bad once you can tell the difference between the squiggly lines. I guess I’ll just have to see what happens. Which doctor will win in the epic battle to the death! Oh the strange things that go on in my mind. How I love them.